There is a spiritual war on marriage. Yet not just a spiritual war but an economic war and a psychological war or war of word redefinitions and lies. This war on marriage, especially in Western civilization and globally, devastates Biblical marriage. But if it's God's design, how can it fail? People misrepresent Biblical marriage, redefine marriage, and discourage marriage in general. Who are the "they" I'm talking about? Today, it's just about everyone. The WEF (World Economic Forum), WHO (World Health Organization), governments, universities, charitable organizations, religions, and ordinary people's self-absorbed, selfish attitudes are also destroying marriage. It's genuinely a vicious war from the top of society down, and it's getting worse daily.
Some General Marriage Statistics
Nearly seven out of ten divorces are initiated by the female partner. More than 50% of all marriages end in divorce, but only when it comes to first marriages. Second and third marriages fail at a far higher rate. Third marriages have the highest divorce rate – 73%. Divorce can have surprising and long-lasting consequences. One of those consequences is an increased risk of early death. The mortality rate is 1,363 per 100,000 for divorcees compared with 779 per 100,000 for married couples – a 57% increase in mortality for divorcees. Loneliness kills. Divorced men bear the brunt of this increased risk, with mortality rates of 1,772 per 100,000 compared to divorce women, with mortality rates of 1,095 per 100,000, an increase of almost 60% for male mortality[1]. So, loneliness kills but more often kills men.
Couples who have friends who divorce have a 75% increase in the risk of their marriage ending. Why do these marriages fail? 72% of couples reported they didn't fully understand the commitment involved in marriage before they were married. These divorce statistics are why pre-marital counseling is so profoundly important. Other reasons to divorce are infidelity or extramarital affairs, constant arguing (including finances), lack of commitment, domestic violence, and other reasons. Clergy are not immune either, with a divorce rate of almost 20%. So, what's going wrong? Let's explore that further.
Spiritual War on Marriage
People are trying with all their might to defame the Biblical marriage, primarily through a war of words. Secularists keep redefining or misrepresenting Biblical values. God said in Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." This verse is the true Biblical definition of marriage. It comes directly from God, not mankind or a government, but from God Himself. As far as Christians should be concerned, this definition should be undeniable and not redefined in any way. Yet, even Christians are going along with the world and redefining marriage. "Christians" often say that homosexual marriages are okay. This statement is an unbiblical lie. Nowhere in scripture does it say that marriage is a union of two people who love each other. In that case, you must also define what kind of love you're referring to. Is it lustful love, friendship, familial love, or something else? Christians must obey God and do his will, not our own, so we must accept God's definition of marriage.
God anticipated the spiritual war on marriage. In Genesis 3:16-19, God told Adam and Eve, "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return."
Eve and all women following her would not only have pain with childbirth but also desire to usurp leadership from their husbands, which forces the husband to rule over his wife to maintain the leadership role God assigned to him. That's what is meant by "thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Many people think that part of the passage is sexist because they take it to mean that, despite Eve's desire (love) for her husband, he rules over her with some kind of toxic masculinity syndrome. That is not what the passage means! That part of the passage is directed at Eve and all women that follow her. Women desire to lead without regard to God's assigned marriage roles, so Adam and all men that follow must maintain the God-given role by ruling over their wife if necessary. Wives, you should realize why God put this passage in scripture and guard against it in your marriage so your husband doesn't have to rule over you. Remember that these are God-given roles – Husband as the leader, Wife as the helper. Equal roles are equally respected and defined by God. For more insight, you can visit my Equal Partners article.
Psychological War on Marriage
Many of today's counseling professionals are non-Christian, and many that are Christian have compromised their position on marriage to accommodate secular beliefs. I cannot quantify this, but I speak from personal and anecdotal experience. I don't believe in marriage counseling unless it is pastoral and Biblical counseling. If you examine the history of psychoanalysis, you'll find that it began with people deeply rooted in occult practices. They used necromancy, psychometry, psychic or automatic writing, and seances. So, seek out uncompromised Christian counselors and uncompromised pastors or ministers for Biblical marital advice. Modern psychiatry and psychology allow for many reasons for divorce, and few genuinely get at the core of the conflict. The core is the very nature of mankind – their desire to rebel against God.
Reasons for Divorce – Adultery and/or Physical Abuse.
But what did Jesus teach? Pharisees asked Him, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" He answered, "Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So, they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." They asked him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a divorce certificate and put her away?" He told them, "For your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning, it was not so." (Matthew 19:3-8; Mark 10:2-9; Luke 16:18).
Jesus was referring to Biblical marriages. He said it in an all-encompassing way because all marriages should be Biblical. Unfortunately, fewer marriages are Christian, and many Christian marriages are compromised by people bending to the thoughts and ideas of our compromised culture. Jesus spoke in a manner that exemplified God the Father's will, and in a world that is not fallen, that would be ideal, but we are living in a fallen world.
In a genuine Christian marriage, there is no excuse for divorce. No reason for divorce whatsoever because a genuine born-again, Holy Spirit-led Christian would not commit adultery or abuse their spouse. Jesus was referring to a genuine marriage, like the original marriage created by God in the beginning. In a marriage sanctified by God, divorce is not an option.
Scripture is clear, "And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." Colossians 3:17-19.
Also, in Ephesians 5:20-28, "Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." When Jesus described marriage, he was talking about marriage according to God's will, not man's desires, thoughts, and ideas.
Modern psychology or psychiatry usually fails to even acknowledge the difference between marriage according to God's will and secular marriage, but the differences are extensive. Other religions also have differing thoughts on marriage, and only the best counselors take that into consideration. Most look at marriage as a government-licensed social contract. Christians describe it as a covenant or even a sacrament. In Hinduism, marriage is a social institution for establishing a proper relationship between the sexes. Hindus regard marriage as a sacrament since they believe all men and women are created to be parents. They think a man is only said to be "complete" after marrying a woman and producing children. In Islam, marriage is a social contract between two people. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their free will. A formal, binding contract is considered essential to a valid Islamic marriage and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. So, these differences need to be addressed in counseling.
Word Redefinitions in the War on Marriage
A "progressive marriage" is a marriage that allows for either party to openly seek extramarital romantic encounters. Both individuals accept the open marriage, which is not considered cheating. In other words, adultery is redefined as openly seeking extramarital romantic encounters without consequence.
Liberals are open to all different models of marriage, including gay marriage, polyamory, polygamy, and never getting married. So, marriage is redefined to basically whatever you desire, even if the object of your desire is an inanimate object, like the British woman that married her favorite chandelier. Liberal lust and imagination poorly define marriage.
Fornication is rampant as marriage is no longer a prerequisite for sex for many people. So, marriage has lost one of its more popular and exclusive benefits. FORNICATION is defined as 1. The self-gratification or lewdness of unmarried persons, male or female; sexual encounter of an unmarried man with an unmarried woman; sexual intercourse between people not married to each other: 2. Adultery. 3. Incest. 4. Idolatry, a forsaking of the true God and worshipping of idols. 2 Chronicles 21:11, Revelation 19:2. Sex between unmarried people has been redefined as normal and usual instead of sinful.
Homosexuality or homosexual fornication has also been redefined as normal and acceptable instead of sinful. The list of what modern society thinks of as marriage or appropriate sexual behavior goes on, but the fact is, it's not within God's will or Biblical doctrine.
War on Marriage Conclusion
This war on marriage is escalating and becoming egregiously unbiblical. The only way to combat this is through Bible study, obedience to God, and Biblical pre-marital counseling. A couple (one man with one woman) must know God's will for marriage and what to expect during the various phases of marriage.
The phases of marriage include:
Passion, or the honeymoon phase, is when romance and intense attraction bring a couple together, which leads to commitment.
Realization is the phase when reality sets in, and the couple faces the challenges and difficulties of everyday life together.
Rebellion is the phase when the couple may feel dissatisfied, resentful, bored, seek change, or even contemplate divorce.
Cooperation is the phase when the couple learns to work together, compromise, and balance their needs and expectations.
Christians must remain faithful to God and their spouse and remember God's role in their married life. The husband leads spiritually, economically, and physically while providing spiritual instruction to his wife and children. The wife is the helper, managing the emotional needs of the family, caring for children, and assisting her husband in all his doctrinally and theologically responsible endeavors.
[1] Bieber, C. (2023, July 17). Revealing divorce statistics in 2023. Forbes Advisor. https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/#sources_section